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| This is Bryan |
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| This is What bryan sort of looks like, but this guys has way better oral hygene. |
HUH WINNER?
Okay I get moved to this new unit with a couple other people from
Communications Company. So I get some new roommates, Richard (hes cool), and Bryan (the person this story is about). I knew
them both before I came over , but had never roomed with either of them. This guy Bryan, well let me explain him to you...
Hes like 6'1" 7 pounds, seriously I weighed more than this kid as a fetus. This guy has the most underdeveloped body I have
ever seen, he looks like an 8 year-old boy, but one that hasn't ever eaten. His eyes are sunked in his head, he looks like,
Jack the Pumpkin King. His Georgia accent drives me through the roof ,and it takes like 30 minutes for a fucking sentence,
and you can count on him for the stupidest shit. He say shit like "I'm skinny, huh winner?". Yeah bitch, your fucking skinny,
I could fit you through a keyhole. All I say is "Yeah dude, your pretty skinny." He'll do the same to richard, "this
is cool, doesn't Richard." Richards like "Yeah", because his sentence doesn't even fucking make sense. This guy wears a camoflauge
hunting jacket around, and a cowboy hat. This fag has serious problems, I think his recruiter found him in a pumpkin patch.
Thius guy dips smokes, and looks like a flying rat, of some sort, and he makes the stupidest faces. He'll say "My middle names
'Gene' huh, Winner?", Bitch I guess, I don't fucking know. These are the men that defend America, God help us all.
| vaseline |
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| No caption nessecary |
RAGNARR CAUGHT MASTERBATING
This is a second hand story so bear with me, Ragnarr told me it I'm going to tell it just as
he told me. He worked In a shop, overseas that he had the keys too. There were like computers and shit in there, stuff like
that. So one night he gets fucking bombed, this dude is like on the verge of death. This guy wants to go check his e-mail
at the fucking shop, this is like @3 in the morning. So he opens the door to the room hes in total darkness just him and the
computer screen now. He gets some porn attachments in his e-mail. So he's sitting there, he says "You know, its 3, there is
no one here Im...Im just goning to get rid of this boner. So you know He starts doing it, he finishes it, hes still good at
this point. Then Ragnarr gets cocky, he starts walking around with his...stuff hanging out, swinging it around and shit. Then
he thinks, "You know what would be really fucked up right now, if someone walked in." Well like the fucking coyote in looney
tunes when you look down you fucking fall. On que he hears the door creak open. "Fuck" he says. He is fumbling around, knocking
shit over jumping over benches, and this best plan this dick can come up with is hide behide the door. So he quitely like
a damn...rabbit or some shit closes his fly, now keep in mind the computer monitor with the porn is still on. He has like
stopped breathing all together, fuck breathing I don't want anyone to see me like this. He hears "What the fuck", as his staff
sergeant walks in. This the funny part, he picks up a play station remote control, that rolled up and holds it in his hands
like hes playing but its not even connected. Nevermind the fact hes hinding behide a door without any tv around. He staff
sergeant looks at him and gives him the deer caught in head lights. This he gave is so fucking funny, like ...well like he
had been caught masterbating. The Staff sargeant walks out and says "your fucking gross sean."
| Lesbian Lumberjack |
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| This might look like Al Boreland, but its actually twin sister Kim, our attacker |
THOSE CHICKS ARE DYKES
One Time in the ELEMENT, I asked the two ladies to dance. As usual they gave some form of
"no", which this time just happened to be, " I only dance with my friends." Okay bitch if you want to dance with your friends
you can do that shit at home, I thought, but I was willing to let it go. Ragnarr on the other hand was not, he yells "These
bitches are fucking dykes!", loud as shit. The one with the beard and flannel shirt pushes him, and he goes flying across
the room. These were no ordinary women no..., these, these were lesbian lumberjacks... These bitches were used to chopping
down trees and log rolling and shit, so you could imagine what an angry, heated dyke passion moment push could do to a 180
pound Ragnarr. I back off, The bitch bows up on Ragnarr and says, "What!?!?", now we are supposed to be Marines here,
So Ragnarr timidly bows back up to her just before we leave like bitches. Good thing we left because later that night, someone
scuffed her hiking boots and they're still in the hospital.
| That Homeless college bum |
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| Although shaggy dresses better than the guy we ran into, their hair and their munchies are similar |
"GIVE ME YOUR QUIZZO'S CARD, BITCH."
Once at a pizza place in Greenville, NC , sat myself Ragnarr, and another Crunkpirate Skoro.
This place was fucking packed, cause it was at 2 and it was like the only place open after the clubs let out. We got out shit
then sat down on this bench, now there were too many people for them to keep up with the cleaning, so we pushed the empty
pizza boxes to the egde of the table they had crust and shit in them. Skoro says "Did you see that?" "What?" I replied. "That
dude just ate some of that pizza out of that old box," he said. "No way" I said. So I watched this beatnic, skinny ass, dave matthews
listening, college kid reach in an old ass pizza box and eat the crust, needless to say I was shocked. Skoro said
"Dude, what the fuck are you doing?!?" The guy in a feeble, pussy, little kid voice says "All man dude, I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to eat your pizza. I'm a college kid and I'm homeless." This guy talked like a stoner, it took him like 10 fucking
minutes to get it out. Skoro said "Give me some money for that fucking pizza." So he reaches in his wallet and gives
us two fucking dollars, for some shitty food that wasn't even ours. Skoro, drunk mind you, and unsatistfied say
"Gime me everything that is in your wallet". The guy responeded "all I have is ths quizzno's card." was a 5 stamp card
with 3 to go, Skoro said "Give me your Fucking quizznos card!" he did. Now I'm not really proud od that story because
it's sort of fucked up, however If you have the body type of cartoon charecter "shaggy", your bound to get fucked with.
Welcome, you came here because you typed the wrong IP address probably, if by chance you came here on purpose, "What's
Up?" I'm Sloth (Steve), and my good buddy Ragnarr (Sean) is here too. Basically what we do is go out on our parting adventures,
then write about them. We also take questions from the masses about anything, as if we know anything, but we will try and
help you out.
"SLOTH" AND "RAGNARR?!?!"
The first Question your asking is how did these two fags, come up with "Sloth" and "Ragnarr", well you'll
have to read the intro story to find out.
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THE Sloth and Ragnarr Store, IT's NEW Bitches!!
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| Click on BEST BUY to enter |
SLOTH'S "WOW, THIS MOVIE FUCKING SUCKS", PICK OF THE YEAR IS... MANCHURAIN CANDIDATE
If you've seen this movie, (and survived) I don't need to explain why this is the worst movie ever. Let me just say that
my favorite part was when the "manchurain cadidate", had a secert laboratory, in the closet, of his holiaday inn suite, CLASSIC...
SLOTH AND RAGNARR BOMB OF THE WEEK
| Sea Ceature |
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| 3,000 hot dogs and 27 small children later, the whale is still able to squeeze into her tarp. |
| Beautiful Women |
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TOP TEN REASONS THIS CHICK WON'T DO US
1. WE'RE STUPID
2. WE SMELL FUNNY
3. WE ARE LOSERS
4. OUR HEADS ARE MISSHAPED
5. SLOTH LAUGHS AT THE ELDERLY
6. RAGNARR LAUGHS AT THOSE WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS
7. SOMETIMES WE BEAT OUR LOVE ONES
8. NO MONEY
9. WE HAVE NO TALENT
10. WE TRIP LITTLE KIDS, ON PURPOSE, OHHHH!!
Obvivious Sloth
When it comes to girls sometimes I am fucking clueless. It doesn't help when you drunk either.
One time these chicks, banging-ass chicks were like, hey come over or whatever so I did. Shes like" Hey you're in the marines."
"Yep" I say. "I just love Marines", she says. "Oh, Oh really", I say politly. "So do you live in the dorms?" "No" she says,
"I have my own appt."
"Cool", I respond. "Do you have any roomates?", I say. " Yeah, her", she points to and even
hooter chick, "She like Marines more than I do." "Oh"' I said. I have these chicks all over me the best thing I could come
up with is "See ya Around." I am A fucking Idiot.
| The Beast |
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| Although this beast could walk and breathe oxygen they are striking similar |
COCKED BLOCKED BY A MANATEE
Once At the ELEMENT we danced with these two black...I want to say women, well, ...one could pass
for a woman, the other, ...the other, she could pass for some sort of mammal.
So Ragnarr gets the less gruesome of the two and we start dancing, but it was all in good fun so it really
didn't matter. Let me describe the linebacker I was paired with, 6'8" 270. Alright, Alright...umm...thinking, she was the
size of a... small car, yes she was the size of a jetta. So while I'm dancing with the VW (which was a series her throwing
me in the air like doll then catching me), Her friend is getting down and dirty with Ragnarr you know, "learnin' him sumthang."
Well, Maguila Gorilla sees this and stops dancing. I think she probably spotted a small dog outside or something. Then I realized
what she was doing the "COCKBLOCK", yes my friends the same technique developed by goatherders in the 15th century to keep
coyotes clear of sheep. Well it reared its ugly head yet again. I realize what shes doing so I try to pursuade the beast to
dance which because, I'm not deep fried or covered in cheese dosen't work. So that beast ends up getting between Ragnarr and
the other thing, and with the girl on her shoulder then she ran out the door, climbed the Empire State Building, and was later
put down by helicopters.
| Slizoth |
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| Sloshed as always. |
PUSSY WORMS? PART 1
So I go to the laundry mat to do my laundry right, know shit, huh? Anyway theres this redneck
fucking sort of fat-ass chick there. She looks like a trailor woman for sure. This bitches hits on me everytime I go there,
give me her number whatever. So One day I decide to give her a call. She tells me to come over, I do later that evening. First
off, I call before I come up to her appartment to make sure shes ready, and there a man there. It's ex-husband who sounds
fucking huge and drunk, warning number one, but she puts down the phone and finally gets him to leave. Now one of the only
reasons I went there is because I figured hey, maybe she didn't look so good just because she worked at the laundry mat all
day, understandable right? Wrong...Wrong, I open the door there she is wearing the same shit she wore at the laundry mat and
looking even worst. I mean damn this bitch is fucking busted, Her apartment smelled like urine, and there was shit fucking
everywhere. It was fucking discusting, so I sit down on her gross, pleather couch, the had more holes than she did, and I'm
talking big-ass monster holes. Than as so as I get , she starts pouring in on, trying to fuck within the first, like second
I'm there. I'm like hold on you broke-ass bitch, let me get in the fucking door. Then she lets her dog out. It starts pucking
and pissing everywhere, So here it is shes trying to put the move on me and we have a dog running around pucking and pissing
everywhere. Would believe that bitch just ignored it, and told the dog to just sit down!?! Then she starts talking about how
I should move it, So now I'm like fucking terrified. I told her I had to go call my friend and the phone was in the car. So
I pulled some fucking james bond shit, I was parked righ underneath her, she could hear if I pulled away. What I did was put
the car in neutral, pushed it down the street, jump start it and take off, funny story if it ended there ...wrong....
Pussy Worms? PART 2
So I get back to the barracks, and tell my friends what happened we all had a laugh, whatever.
I thought it was over. Then next morning I get phone call. "Hey". "Who the fuck is this?", I said. "Its me silly what happened
to you last night?" Dude I about fucking pissed myself, I hung up and like cried and rolled around in my bed for like and
hour (Not really but I was scared), I was scared all this bitch knew was my first name and she was like hunting me down. Sometimes
I would pass the laundry mat, and duck down so her fat-ass couldn't find me. So I'm telling this other guy about the story,
He goes "what laundry mat?""Coin", I said. "That's where my wife works." So I'm thinking oh shit, this is his wife. He goes
"Are you talking about Debbie?" Oh Fuck, here it comes I'm gonna get fucked up. "My wife works with her." Wow that was close.
I was like "yeah that nasty bitch Debbie." I started laughing and shit. HE goes "YOOO (new yorker now), That bitch has pussy
worms yo." "Pussy Worms?", I say half curious half scared. "Yeah that bitch told my wife that, And told me that she tries
to get dudes to fuck her all the time." Yo I felt so fucking lucky. Whats the moral of this story, Girls who let there dog
piss and puke all over the house, worked at a laundry mat and named "DEbbie", Definately have pussy worms.
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